The Shopping Trip
by editor frog
Summary: Companion to "A Day Without Coffee." The ladies go on a shopping spree at the behest of Reid, who along with Morgan gets more than he bargained for in the deal...
1. The Shopping Trip

**So I've got this meandering storyline that seems to be working off of itself. Please be assured in future I will post any "additions" to this story here in chapter form. **

**If you haven't read "A Day Without Coffee," read that first. Otherwise you might get lost.**

**Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. And I love going shopping!**

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Emily made her way up the stairs. _If I'm gonna go shopping, I need some backup and support,_ she thought. _After all, it's Friday night—what better time to go?_

She stopped at a familiar door and knocked three times.

"Enter, oh fortunate one," came a cheerful voice. "What brings you to my humble domain?"

"Hey Garcia, I was wondering if you'd be up for a shopping trip tonight."

The technical analyst's eyes lit up to match her neon-pink blouse.

"Shopping? As in people going in search of things at bargain-basement prices and generally getting lost for hours in…whatever? That kind of shopping?"

"Yeah," Prentiss agreed. "I kinda promised someone I'd buy some new clothes for him…and coffee, too…"

"_For_ someone? _Now_ I'm intrigued," Garcia said, pulling Emily into a free chair. "Okay. Spill."

Emily could barely contain her giggles. _What is it about Garcia that can put a smile on anyone's face?_ she thought.

"Well, Reid found out that his apartment building burned down this afternoon…"

A shocked look crossed Garcia's face. She turned at once toward her "babies" to find out more, but Emily stopped her.

"It's all right. Fire department hasn't determined the cause yet, but no one was home when it happened. Reid lost all his stuff, however."

Again, a shocked look graced Garcia's face, this time complete with jaw dropping on the floor. "Oh my God," she said finally.

"Yeah, so Morgan's taking him home with him and when I offered to help out and he gave me his credit card and told me to buy him some new clothes. And since I figured you can't go shopping alone…"

Garcia began powering down her equipment. "It's quitting time anyway," she said. "Eight o'clock means _time to get out of here when we're not on a case_," she said. "Wanna make this trip a threesome?" she said, tipping her head towards a certain media liaison's office.

_Why not?_ Emily thought. _JJ could certainly use a break too._ "Sure," she said, heading out in the direction of JJ's office.

* * *

It was well after eleven o'clock when the three women had finally finished their shopping mission. Emily's SUV was so full of packages, parcels and bags that there was barely room to fit the people responsible for picking all of the items up in the first place. 

"Wow. Who knew shopping could be so therapeutic?" JJ proclaimed after squeezing herself into the backseat. "It's like the last dozen or so cases just vanished…"

"Oh yeah," Emily concurred. "It's especially great when you're spending someone else's hard-earned money…"

There was a chorus of voices that concurred with that assessment.

It was a short drive over to Morgan's. After Garcia produced her "spare" key to Morgan's door, it took about eight trips to finally unload the SUV of its contents. The ladies were aided by a very excited and curious Clooney, who kept wriggling around and trying to inspect each bag's contents, hoping there was a treat for him.

"Sorry, buddy," Garcia said sadly. "No treats this trip." She did stop to rub the back of the pooch's ears, though, which she knew he loved.

"You know, I think Reid was only planning on us buying a _few_ things for him, just to get by," Emily mused.

"You sayin' we overdid it?" JJ countered, setting down a large cardboard box that had the word _Sauder_ printed in large letters on the side.

"Of course not," came Garcia's cheerful voice. "We just…anticipated."

"Exactly," JJ said.

* * *

When Morgan and Reid walked through the back door, the ladies watched as both men's jaws tunneled down to China. Their eyes looked like they'd just walked into a gruesomely fantastical crime scene and hadn't been able to process everything yet. 

"What'd you do—buy all of D.C. proper?" Morgan said. "It looks like a warehouse in here!"

"Emily…I asked for a few clothes…" Reid began, not quite knowing what to make of all the things he was seeing.

"Clothes? Handsome, clothes we got," said Garcia, tossing the young agent no less than ten bags filled with soft items.

Reid cautiously looked into one of the bags. _I'm hope Garcia realized that I don't look good in neon and polka dots,_ he thought.

To his surprise, most of the clothes were fairly normal. There were only two sweater vests---"cardigans are back in, I'm afraid," Emily said---a wide assortment of dress shirts and pants, sweaters and even a few regular cotton shirts and some jeans. The only thing that seemed to be "Garcia-inspired" was the dozen or so ties he pulled from on bag. One of them was black with neon-colored polka dots on it.

_Well, maybe neon and polka dots aren't bad as long as they stay on the tie, _the young agent thought.

"Thanks," he said finally.

"Don't mention it," Emily said warmly as JJ kept pawing through the other parcels. "What_ are_ you looking for?"

Among the boxes of what looked like curtains, bed linens, toasters, shelving units, flatware, dishes and little gift cards that littered Morgan's living room was the prize JJ was looking for. "Aha!" she cried, pulling out a stainless steel coffeemaker and the largest container of coffee Reid had ever seen.

"Now we'll just hook this up to make sure it works, and then we can get some coffee in here and have you try on all your stuff," she said, moving towards the kitchen.

Reid liked the idea of coffee—especially after the day he'd had. Then he managed to pick up on the rest of JJ's sentence.

"Wh—what do you mean, "try on all your stuff?" he said, a definite squeak to his voice.


	2. On the Catwalk

**Hello again. Seems everyone wanted to see Reid put "on the catwalk," so here's a bit of that. I'm interested to know what sort of place you all think Reid should consider as his new home...and how he's going going to drive Morgan crazy.**

**Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. Nor shall it ever be, save in my writing, I'm afraid... **

* * *

"Come on, Spence, we need to see if your clothes fit," called JJ from the kitchen.

Reid looked at the dozens of pieces of clothing that littered Morgan's living room. He was speechless. _They actually think I'm going to _model_ for them?_ he thought. _Haven't I had a bad enough day as it is?_

"Yeah, handsome," seconded Garcia. "Can't have you walking around in pants three sizes too small."

After making a great show of huffing and garbling words, Morgan gently directed the young man towards the bathroom. "Just get it over with, kid," he said. "They're not gonna leave until you do."

An hour later, Reid had gone through nearly half of the clothing haul the ladies got for him. He rather liked some of the sweaters that Emily and JJ had picked out—a gray and maroon one really caught his eye—and the neon polka-dot tie Garcia had gotten for him really did go well with the solid color dress shirts she'd picked out.

"Wow," he said as he twirled around in some of the casual picks the girls had chosen for him. He was starting to get dizzy—this was the eighty-seventh time he'd been 'on the catwalk' in three hours.

"Yuh-huh," said Garcia, looking over the cotton shirt and jeans ensemble he'd put on. "Who knew orange would look good on you?"

"It does," seconded JJ. Even Morgan agreed.

_Note to self--buy more orange,_ Reid thought. It was the first time a color outside of his usual browns-and-greens had gotten such reviews.

Finally, four hours later, Reid was trying on the pajamas. "No more," he said. "I'm really going to bed after this."

"Aww, so _cute_!" Emily said. "Polka dots!"

Garcia had won the polka-dot debate. The pajamas were white with medium sized green polka dots on them. They even included the little hat, which JJ insisted he put on to look like a "real" person going to bed.

"Pajamas haven't come with a hat in ages," she said. "It's like the guy in _The Night Before Christmas._"

Reid blushed.

"Well, ladies, as much as I'd like to say you're welcome to stay, I think we've kept Reid up long enough," Morgan said finally. "We've gotta get him up bright and early to look at new places tomorrow."

"Oooh, can I come?" said Emily.

"Visions of paint schemes will be dancing in my head," seconded JJ.

Morgan looked around his living room.

"Girls, you nearly_bought_ the kid a whole new house," he said finally after Reid had gone in to brush his teeth. "Where did all the money for this come from?"

All three women looked at each other.

"We collected," Garcia said finally.

"Collected?"

"Yeah. We told everyone on our floor about the trip before we left work. You'd be surprised how quick our resident genius became everyone's pet project…"

"Do me a favor?" said Morgan. _"Don't_ tell him about that."

"Of course not. But we do have some leads on new places…"


	3. The Search Begins

**Hello again. So, how does a genius drive Morgan crazy**?** Here's a start...**

**Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. But the horrible time Reid's having...yeah, I can relate. **

* * *

Five weeks had passed, and Reid was _still_ living at Morgan's.

Not that Morgan minded—after all, he didn't like the thought of the kid going into further debt by taking out a room somewhere—but he was seriously considering the idea of stuffing the young agent in a box and leaving him on Hotch's doorstep. After all, Hotch had a whole_house_ the kid could trip over and fall in…not like the 1000 square feet Morgan's apartment had.

Just yesterday Morgan had had to go out and replace his work phone—for the third time. Somehow, Reid had managed to drop the first one in the bathtub (Morgan _really_ didn't want to know the particulars), fried the second one on top of the stove and managed to mistake this last one for his coffee cup on an unusually early Thursday morning. He could remember the sounds of wires frying and a sickening _bleep_ that emitted from the drowned electronic device.

_At the rate this kid goes through stuff, it's no wonder his insurance is through the roof,_ Morgan thought. _It's also a miracle he managed to make it to twenty-six…_

It wasn't that Reid wasn't looking for his own place. He _was_. Each and every team member had their eyes peeled for something that fit a set qualification: it was relatively safe and fit Reid's price range. Of course, Reid also had to like it. Rossi had made mention of that last point while describing a college apartment he'd had to live in for eighteen months as an undergraduate ("just because it's cheap doesn't mean it's right, let alone livable," he'd said).

The problem was finding such a spot. Everything people found for Reid to look at was just out of his price range, and the ones that he could afford were in places that seemed to suggest they might be investigating Reid's murder shortly after he moved in.

"This is crazy," said Reid a couple of days ago, after Morgan had taken him out to look at yet _another _shoebox-sized place. "It's the car that's killing me. I could afford half of the places you guys have shown me—that one near Garcia's place was pretty nice—but then I remember that my check got smaller after that car incident…"

"What 'car incident'?"

Reid looked at his friend like he's just said the Earth was flat and that yes, scaly monsters really did eat unfortunate sailors who went over the edge.

"The car? In Oregon? I nearly killed us?"

Morgan looked dumbfounded for a moment. "Oregon…Oregon…"

"The door was ripped off by a small tree? Smoke was pouring out of the engine? It exploded?"

"Oh, _that_ car…"

"Yeah."

"They really made you pay for it?"

"Seems the government insurance policy doesn't cover _swerving to avoid raging herds of moose_," Reid said, putting the last bit into 'air quotes.' "It's called an act of God or something…"

Morgan seriously doubted God had had anything to do with it. _More likely it was our unsub that did it, but there's no way to prove it…_

Reid sighed. "Maybe I should just see if I can't move into Hotch's garage or something…"

"You wouldn't last five minutes, kid."

"Hey, I can handle a little adversity."

"It's not the adversity I'm worried about," Morgan laughed. "More like the neighborhood watch deciding you were trying to break into his place at three a.m. when you decided to take a shower."

"Oh. Yeah. There is that…"

Morgan clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Well, sooner or later something will show up. Just remember that you're still welcome to stay at my place for as long as it takes." _Or until you drive me crazy enough to ship you to Abu Dhabi…_


	4. Dishwashing and Pets

**Hello again. So Morgan is still putting Reid up, as well as putting "up" with him. Here's more on how that's going!**

**Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. This plot bunny is, though... **

* * *

"What the hell is that?!"

"Nothing…" He tried to look really, really innocent. It wasn't working.

"No, that's_something,_ my friend. A four-footed, beady eyed little_something._"

"It was lonely…?"

Morgan looked at his friend. The young man was sitting on the couch, letting the little fuzzy…_thing…_run all over his shoulders and his hair.

"Where did it come from?"

"Oh, the little girl next door had them."

"_**Them?!**_"

"Yeah—apparently she woke up one morning a couple weeks ago and found a whole nest of them in the tank. She said the proud parents were Harvey and Steve."

"Sounds to me like she couldn't tell that _Steve_ was really _Stephanie_."

"Well, she _is_ eight…" Reid shrugged as Clooney came in for a closer look at the new tenant. "I think I'm gonna call him Darwin."

"In about a minute my dog is gonna call him 'dinner.'"

Reid moved away from the curious canine, hoping to save his newfound friend. "It's okay if I keep him, right?"

_Now there's a first, _Morgan thought. _He's already decided to keep the little rodent and __**now**__ he decides to ask if it's okay?_

Morgan looked at the young man, still letting the 'rodent' in question run through his shirt and across his lap. Personally, Morgan hated gerbils-- and all their little cousins, too.

But then there was the whole "fire" thing. And the "car" thing. And the fact that half of his place was either full of Reid's new housewares or being systematically destroyed by the perpetually clumsy agent.

Not to mention there was that _look_ he had when he really, really wanted something, like a kid looking in a store window. Morgan wondered if Reid had actually ever gotten to use it as a kid; he seemed to use it quite a bit now…

He threw up his hands. "All right. Just keep it away from me, all right?"

The smile that burst over Reid's face matched the shine that lit up his eyes.

"Just…how many of these things did Lisa say she ended up with?" Morgan asked.

"Oh, only about ten or twelve…"

Morgan started looking around the floor. _Great,_ he thought. _I don't get mice—I get gerbils…_

"Oh," Reid added, almost as an afterthought. "I put the dishes through the dishwasher, but there's something not right about them…"

_Oh, no, _Morgan thought. "Not right how?"

"There's this…I dunno, waxy?...stuff all over the dishes."

Morgan looked at the dishes in the cupboard, all shiny and put away. He picked up a plate and saw immediately what Reid was talking about—there was a waxy residue on the surface of the plate.

"Reid, what did you put in the soap dispenser?"

"That stuff in the blue bottle…" His voice trailed as he continued to play with his new pet.

_Blue bottle? _Morgan thought. _But the dishwashing stuff's in a green…oh, crap, the__**fabric softener's**__ in a blue bottle!_

And right then, Morgan began seriously wondering how much it would cost to send his friend and co-worker over to a small country halfway around the world at parcel post rate.


	5. Karma

**Hello again. I'm back on this bunny for a while, so hope you like what turns out!**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah. If you don't know by now, flip to a previous chapter and read there.**

* * *

It had been six months, and Reid was _still_ living with Morgan. The housewares that the ladies had gotten for the young agent had been safely put into storage, but that didn't keep Morgan from tripping over the several thousand books that seemed to line every wall in the house.

"One of these days, man," he shouted as he fought a losing battle not to connect with the floor after hitting a first edition of the complete _Lord of the Rings_ trilogy. "Didn't we buy you bookshelves?"

"What do you call those?" Reid said simply, waving his hands towards the three giant shelving units that lined one entire wall of the living room. They dwarfed the entertainment center by at least two-thirds. "It's not that bad…"

"Oh, yes, it is that bad," the older agent argued, rubbing his elbow where it had fallen hard onto the floor. "Look around. Do you see an inch of space anywhere in here? Don't you remember the reason we put your things in storage?"

Reid looked around at the six dozen or so books that littered the floor. It seemed perfectly normal that they would be there, within easy reach.

"And come on," Morgan continued. "Really, kid, how many copies of Sherlock Holmes do you really need?"

"Depends on which one," Reid countered. "There were four full-length novels, fifty-six short stories and all of these were published in volumes. Besides, me giving up _A Study in Scarlet _or _The Hound of the Baskervilles_ is like someone deleting the entire season of _American Idol _from your TiVo.

"You wouldn't."

"A bunch of people, only about five of which can actually sing, standing on national television and making an idiot of themselves? And you complain about my books?"

"I don't trip over the TiVo." Morgan spread out his hands, trying to illustrate his point.

_Note to self, _Reid thought. _Remember to tape more CI later—maybe one for every book I "lose". _He bent down and began picking up the strewn books from off the floor.

As the two agents were finishing up, there was a large commotion from the back of the apartment. Seconds later, there was a terrified squeak as a small ball of fur darted out across the living room and into a corner, only to be followed by a thundering bark and an overactive tail.

"Morgan! He's gonna eat my gerbil!"

"Then don't let him out of his tank, genius."

"I didn't!"

Morgan smiled. He knew Clooney was only playing with the smaller animal, and wouldn't eat it. "Then he had help."

At that suggestion, Reid bolted for the room he was staying in. On the floor next to the large bookcase lay a glass tank in shards, with bits of cedar chips and gerbil feed pellets scattered everywhere.

"How?!" Morgan heard from the back as he settled in to finish up the last of the _American Idol _season. The faint sound of clinking glass and a broom could be heard.

He smiled. _Karma, _he thought. _Seems Garcia has something there…_

* * *

**A/N 2: I kinda imagine Reid being interested in Holmes, and there's only one good version of him on the tube right now--Vincent D'Onofrio"s Det. Goren in _L&O: CI._ Naturally, that's what we'd find on Reid's TiVo--at least, in my universe...**

* * *


	6. Surprise!

**Hello again. Hope you enjoy. Disclaimers in earlier chapters.**

* * *

Of all things, it was an article in the newspaper that made Morgan's day.

_CHARRED APARTMENT BUILDING RISES FROM ASHES_

_After a devastating fire that left six people homeless, a well-known apartment complex is pleased to announce the opening of its new Phoenix addition. The original building, which was left gutted by the fire, has been refurbished and is seeking new tenants._

_The original skeletal walls of the building survived, and workers used these supports to rebuild. The new building now boasts new interiors, more space, and more modern hookups for electrical and plumbing that its predecessor._

"_It's a shame, seeing as those people lost everything in the fire," manager Charles Wilson said. "Hopefully some of those folks will consider moving back, especially with the upgrades to the existing building."_

_The original building was one of the oldest apartments buildings in the county, and had been classified as a potential hazard for several years. However, codes were kept up to date on the structure, and the fire is believed to have been caused by a wiring malfunction._

Sitting at his desk trying to ignore the fourteen files laying in wait on his desk, Morgan decided it was time to take a personal day—for him _and _for Reid.

"Getting coffee?" Prentiss asked, holding out her cup. "Two cream, no sugar, and please for the love of God make it strong." She herself had twenty files on her desk, seeing as Reid finally paid back all the files that the two agents had dumped onto their young colleague. Reid himself was currently on lunch and would be back any minute.

"No coffee," Morgan said. He was on a mission.

Taking the steps two at a time, Morgan clutched the article in his hand and tapped on Hotch's door. He could hear the sounds of paperwork being shuffled and snippets of a phone conversation.

"Come in," Hotch called. After making his polite good-byes, he hung up the phone. "What's up?"

"Hotch, I need a personal day. And so does Reid, but he doesn't know it yet." Morgan's face was brighter than fireworks on the Potomac at the Fourth. "Check this out."

Taking the article from his younger colleague, a small smile cracked Hotch's stony exterior. "Moving day, huh?"

"And not a moment too soon. He's driving me insane."

"If I recall, it was your idea to let him stay with you. I offered…"

"And I've since learned that though I love the man like a brother, he _seriously_ needs his own space. I want to get this back for him, Hotch." A mischievous smile flittered on Morgan's face. "But I need a little help…"

* * *

The entire team was there on Saturday morning. Everyone, that is, except Reid. Morgan and Hotch had given the young agent a little "assignment" to accomplish, claiming it was needed for a case that was pending in court.

In his place were both Kevin Lynch, whom Garcia wrangled with her special charms from the IA computers, and Will LaMontaigne. The willowy man from New Orleans had just finished settling into JJ's place and was happy to help.

"You mean you all are movin' him out, and he doesn't know?" the man drawled, surprised at what he was being asked to do.

"Call it a surprise, Will," JJ said. She was packing clothes into boxes.

"For whom? Reid? Or for you all?"

"Both," Morgan called out as he and Hotch heaved one of the massive bookshelves out the front door and into the U-Haul.

"Okay, cher," Will said resignedly. "What's first?"

"_Oh my God, what IS this thing?!"_

"Um, how about by collecting Reid's pet gerbil? Seems Em's found him…" JJ smiled, imagining the stoic woman in the middle of a freak out session.

"_Now it's crawling out of the cage--!"_

That voice was definitely not Emily's.

"What are you..?" Garcia shrieked. "Kevin, put the broom _down!_"

"What sort of person keeps a rodent as a pet?! They bite, they carry disease, they could give you fleas…"

"Don't you keep a pet snake, Kevin?"

"Yeah, an animal that _eats rodents._" JJ couldn't help but laugh as she heard the technical analyst searching for Darwin the gerbil: "Here, rodent, rodent, come to Papa…come here so I can put your vermin-filled body back into the nice fish tank that should hold _fishies_…"

* * *

It had taken nine hours to finish up all the paperwork for the upcoming court case. There had been interviews to watch, profiles to assess, paperwork to fill out, prep work with the prosecuting attorney to go through…

Reid was never so happy to hop on the train and head towards Morgan's house. It seemed like everyone had vanished—JJ had an emergency doctor's appointment, Hotch had to see about his son, Garcia was called away on work for IA, Rossi had had to keep an appointment with his publisher, and Morgan and Prentiss vaporized after lunch. The young agent wondered if he was being set up for something, but he let the worry drop for the moment. All he really wanted to do was go hide in his room, play with Darwin, and then curl up and watch an old Road Runner cartoon—or twelve. He had taken the lesson on using humor to cope with his work seriously, and though Chaplin was a classic, there wasn't anything funnier than watching that Coyote keep trying to catch the clever bird that never stopped.

After twenty minutes the train stopped, and Reid strolled down the six blocks to Morgan's house. He could hear voices floating from the patio, and there was a wafting smell of something cooking.

"Seems the guest of honor's finally showed up!" cried a cheerful voice.

"Hey Reid," said Emily, giving the agent a quick hug. "Hurry up and eat before Morgan and Rossi get the last of it."

"There's plenty more where it came from," called out Will, who was proving to be more than just a capable detective. He pulled a large pot off the stove and drained the water off into the grass. "Just keep those ones away from the grill, okay? Lost two racks already from them…"

Reid was staring at the patio table. The entire thing was covered in food—green salad, potato salad, macaroni salad, corn-on-the-cob, baked beans, cornbread, some sort of odd shrimp and tomato soup, jambalaya, brown rice…the list was endless. On a smaller table lay the items that had come off the grill—several racks of pork ribs, small steaks, even a few pieces of chicken.

"You going to stare at it, or eat it?" Rossi teased gently, handing Reid a plate. "I promise, the ribs are excellent."

"Only cause you ate half a rack yourself," Will called out, laughing.

"I..what…huh?" Reid said, still trying to piece together what had brought his colleagues together like this.

"Relax, kid, it's a party," Morgan called out from his chair on the far end of the patio. "Have a seat and stay a while."

"Um, all right…just as soon as I change…"

He hurried down the hall towards his room, hoping to find something a little better than the clothes he'd just spent all day in. contrary to popular belief, Reid did try to dress for the occasion—it wasn't his fault that half of the clothes he owned were work clothes. As it was about eighty degrees outside, he wanted to find something lighter, preferably with short sleeves. Maybe a white shirt…

When he opened the door, a loud shriek escaped his throat.

"Morgan!!"

The next sounds he heard were of feet racing towards him. Reid stood in the doorway, his jaw still making contact with the floor.

"What's the matter?"

The young agent looked at this friends and colleagues. "Where's all my stuff? Did someone break in?"

All at once, the small group assembled around him yelled, "SURPRISE!"

"Some surprise," Reid groused. "Seriously, where's my clothes? And Darwin…?"

"It's all at your new apartment, Spence," JJ said though gales of laughter. "We found you a place you'll like."

Fear crept through the younger man's spine. "R-really?"

"Yep. Check this out," Morgan said, handing Reid the article that had set the whole thing in motion. "Come to find out, you were paid up with them through the middle of 2010—though how you did that I'd like to know…"

"Planning ahead," Reid said simply. There were a few scattered chuckles. "So…I'm moving back home?"

"No, Reid," Garcia said. "We already 'moved' you."

"And that rodent too," Kevin groused. Though he and Reid got along well, he still privately wished he could've let his Molly have the squirmy creature for a snack.

"So, how about coming back outside, having some dinner, and then just relax for a couple before going over?" Emily said finally. "Darwin's fine—clean and changed and everything—and we'll worry about the rest later, okay?"

For the first time in a long, long, _long_ time, Reid broke into a very wide grin.

"Last one out there does all the dishes…"

* * *

**I'm thinking that's the end folks. All is well, and everyone's happy... :) My job is done.**


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